Finding Self Through Nature's Messages

Recently I gave a talk at a women's social group - My Girlfriend's Garden. My talk was about creative writing and journaling through connecting with nature. Part of the focus of my talk was on our ability to connect with ourselves and find answers to life's questions by paying attention to the messages nature has to offer.

Often when we feel stuck or mired in a problem, we stew about it and obsess over the details. For instance, how many nights have you had difficulty falling asleep because of persistent thoughts? It's easy to stay stuck when we are lying there, fighting the thoughts or sitting at our desks during the day with our minds constantly returning to the thoughts.

By contrast, the act of getting outside and walking - taking the time to disconnect from life distractions, while in forward motion, noticing what is around us, can be transformative, if we just allow ourselves to pay attention.

I have received many messages from nature. While I'm walking, I'll pose a question, then look for clues to the answer. Generally there will be a bird that suddenly shows up, or I'll notice the movement of the trees or the direction a flock of geese is flying. In that moment of noticing, I also have an answer.

Last June, my daughter was about 6 months pregnant, when doctors discovered that her baby boy - Jordan - did not have functioning kidneys. His amniotic fluid was disappearing and he was dying in the womb. My grandson to be did not make it. When I returned home following two very emotional days in San Francisco with my daughter and son-in-law I walked into my office and looked out the window. There outside my 2nd story window, was a swirling white group of what looked like little bugs, fairies, something almost mystical and magical. They were swirling and flying in a circle and as I watched them I just knew it was my grandson saying he was all right. I said thank you Jordan and watched them fly away.

This morning, for the 2nd day in a row, I've had a very large dragon fly on the inside of my office window, moving around. Yesterday I took him outside. This morning, there he was again - the same one or one of his friends. I wondered what was this about? What was the message? Here is something a friend discovered for me:

"The meaning of a dragonfly changes with each culture. The main symbolisms of the dragonfly are renewal, positive force and the power of life in general. Dragonflies can also be a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity. Also, as a creature of the wind, the dragonfly frequently represents change. And as a dragonfly lives a short life, it knows it must live its life to the fullest with the short time it has – which is a lesson for all of us."
From the Dragon Fly site (www.dragonfly-site.com)

Wow. I love that. Yes, I resonate with having a sense of self that comes with maturity and I'm definitely in a place to remember to live my life to the fullest right now. My daughter is pregnant again - her due date was yesterday, and yesterday I found myself being Worrying Mom - a role I usually choose not to play but every once in awhile I do. I was stressing about why he wasn't here yet despite all the signs that he was ready - lots of contractions for past 2 weeks, he's dropped, doctor swore he'd be early, etc. I was feeling 'something was wrong'. My daughter knew nothing was wrong, that her boy was just taking his time getting here.

Mother Earth talks to us constantly through all the wonders of nature. On this day to honor our Earth, take time to notice what messages are there for you, and plese feel free to share them here. Happy Earth Day!

In search of Authentic Self

I think we hear a lot about finding one's authentic self. Unless you have been in that position, of feeling like you are not sure who you are or what you want, this phrase doesn't really resonate for you. If you have been in this place, you know the power of those two words.

About 10 years ago, I was married, and on the brink of divorce. I knew I wasn't happy, but really wasn't sure why. When I would ask myself what I wanted, I felt so confused. I knew I wanted to be happy, but how could I do that? What did I need to do? I wanted my kids to be happy too which meant I couldn't get divorced. Then of course there was my husband. I really felt sorry for him for the grief I was causing. I felt so lost and unsure, turning to my friends and ultimately a therapist to help me figure out what I wanted.

What I discovered as I pulled back the layers, were little bits and pieces of me. Apparently it hadn't been OK for me to display these parts of myself. I thought as a mom, employee, wife, etc I had to be a certain way, mostly in order for all of them to be happy. The more I did this, the less I knew who I was or wanted, until I came to the place where I couldn't remember, hence the confusion.

Fast forward 10 years, over five years with my therapist, 4 years with a 12 step program and lots of classes and education, including all of my coach training, have brought me to a much greater understanding of who I am. Yet this searching for, and craving to hold onto my authentic self does not go away. I still feel lost sometimes, unsure what to do, able to see the possibilities in going either way as well as how certain people would be happier if I went one way vs another. When I feel myself feeling confused, I know it is time to come back to my place of authenticity, to reconnect with Cindie at her core and what she is wanting and needing.

I know you might be thinking well yeah, but how? And what do I do about those people counting on me to do X and I want to do Y? To this I say (and believe me, following my own advice is my own personal challenge) take time to be alone and quiet, to be with only your own thoughts and more importantly feelings. When I get in my head and analyze things I am usually thinking about what I should do and trying to be the way I imagine I should be in that particular role. If I can take quiet time for myself -- write, talk out loud or work with my own coach, I can get to the heart of what I am feeling. And the truth is, I need to do this on a regular basis. It helps keep me feeling more ME.

What are some ways you stay connected to yourself? I go hiking or walking and have a conversation while I'm moving. I try to meditate regularly. I listen to what my inner voice is saying and not just listen but pay attention.

Wishing you peace on your path...

Self Care Friday

One of the great things about being a coach, is that I am constantly learning and growing as I coach myself. I noticed yesterday that I was losing my "juice", not feeling very inspired, even though I had spent the day doing something I enjoyed - planning out my hiking retreat for November 1 and planning the next hike. I love doing this and it was a good day. At the end of the day however I did not feel motivated. My honey was not feeling inspiring to me, as he is in a funk about the market, and I felt kind of numb by the time I went to bed. I recognized it was up to me to pull myself out and re-focus my perspective.

This morning what I realized is that I have not been practicing what I preach about adequate self care and life balance and I was feeling the effects. I have been so focused on my business - my coaching and retreats, I have not focused much attention on myself and my needs or my relationship. This doesn't feel good - duh!

So I am proclaiming today Self Care Friday and invite you to do the same if you are so inclinned. I am going to take a bath (first time in a very long time) instead of a shower as soon as I'm done with a client call. After that, I'm scheduling a long overdue hair cut and maybe even see if I can get a massage today. Fortunately my sweet daughter gave me a coupon for these services, so I'm feeling the extra joy and gratitude of using a gift. Wow, I can't wait to see how I will feel at the end of today! I'm excited and pumped up already!

Don't get too focused on your goals and forget the number one goal - taking care of YOU.

Blessings and happy weekend.

My First Official Post

OK, I resisted starting a blog for some time, thinking, who wants to read the random thoughts of this woman? But I'm starting to get more and more how interconnected we all are, the astonishing power and use of the internet, how more and more people find each other in these ways. As a Coach and Retreat Coach, I want to meet people. I want people to meet me. So here I am putting my words out into the universe. I know I'm going to learn a lot from this experience and I'm excited about that.

I'm on a trajectory path right now...moving, moving moving in the direction I want to go and feel I am supposed to go. I am meeting and partnering with other like minded souls and who I am is getting out there in the universe.

Simply put, I coach people with warmth and heart to break through barriers and think outside the box and start taking responsibility for this one wonderful life they have to live. I have started calling myself The Retreat Coach too; not that I am the only one, but the only one I know of in my local area and reatreating really is a lot of what I"m about. Take that time out. Stop, breathe, BE, align yourself with nature and open yourself to something bigger. That's who I am and what I do in the world.