Coping with Post Christmas Blues?

Are you feeling it? Did you wake up as I did, thinking of all the things that make me feel sad or guilty? Why does Christmas happen this way so unrelentlessly every year? Despite my best intentions to have no expectations, I end up feeling some kind of remorse or sadness.

Today I felt a little guilty over my Christmas spending and my Christmas consuming of all goodies available to me yesterday. I had the intention to spend less this year but allowed myself to go over a bit. My overspending my budget for my son then resulted in me wondering if I'd spent enough on my daughter. And round and round I go. Top this off with the chaos of having my sister, her husband and their 6 kids for dinner last night, plus my niece and her two kids and my pregnant daughter with emotions running high over everything. Add to that the fact that my son traveled from southern California to be home for Christmas, something I've been anticipating, and in two days time he'll be leaving again. A recipe for sadness for me.

Is it because of the enormous build up that is difficult to avoid no matter what? Is it the culmination of all the Christmases of my past that leaves me wanting every year to make this one "perfect"? Oh gosh I gave that word up long ago. I'm a recovering perfectionist and yet I think underlying my feelings somewhere deep is that desire to create the cozy experience for all of those around me, which only leaves me feeling sad when it's over, because it can never be all of that.

It is a day after all, and an opportunity to share love with those I care about. My inner wisdom led me to take a walk this morning to sort things through. I said my gratitudes out loud while walking and realized how much any sadness I was feeling was a part of the past -- it's over, gone and I am missing this current moment in allowing these negative feelings to run me today. I have my son here today. My daughter has a healthy baby on the way. I have a large, loud crazy family with lots of loud kids, but we had fun yesterday. I may have spent more than I planned, but I know I will be OK, and all will be provided to me.

Really, when it comes down to it, the Beatles were so right -- all we need is love and I do have that abundantly.

May your post Christmas day be filled with gratitude of what you have, and what you look forward to in the new year. May you find peace in this present moment, right here right now.

Letting Go of 2008

A thought just occured to me. I find myself recognizing often the things I need to let go of. Letting go is an ongoing process and when I get stuck it's because I'm not letting go of something. This afternoon I was frustrated with computer and technical stuff around my blog and website. I worked and worked at the technical issues of getting my blog site to look exactly how I want it to look. I became more frustrated and tired and realized I needed to let go and let it be. It was not worth it.

There is always something I can let go of. Right now I have some piles of paper in my office. The piles represent stuff I'm not letting go of, stuff that needs to move into a neater home. Maybe you are not letting go of an idea or belief about yourself or another person. All this got me thinking of the continuous process of letting go and that I'd like to offer the opportunity for anyone who wants to let go of something(s) as we leave 2008 to do so in a supportive environment.

I am proposing a Winter Solstice Letting Go Virtual Retreat. I will provide some ideas, journal prompts, a guided visualization and group coaching to support you in letting go and allow you the space to do so. Come prepared to really let go of some stuff that is no longer serving you.

Letting Go Group Coaching Call Sunday December 21, 2008 8:00 pm-9:00 pm PST. Post your interest or email me to get the call-in info. $20.00

Finding Meaning in Christmas

"All grown-ups were once children. (But few of them remember it.)"
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Have you allowed yourself to be a kid, or even remember what it feels like? Why do children love Christmas so much? It's the magic, the wonder, the surprises, the happy relatives who show up, not just the gifts.

I was just remembering what my children loved about Christmas. Yes, they got excited about what they wanted and what they hoped Santa would bring. But they also were excited about the family who would all gather at our home, the mashed potatoes and gravy, the way my son would play guitar with his uncles and my daughter would get to reconnect with all her cousins.

I watched an old home video on Thanksgiving of my daughter at age "6 and 3/4" on Christmas. I'm videotaping her and asking her questions. When I asked if she had anything else she wanted to say, she said "yes, I'm really wondering how Santa comes down our chimney, and how he gets all the gifts to all the kids on Christmas eve. He must be pretty special." It was such a treat for me to watch her, hear her voice and see that wonderment on her face. That is the childlike quality I'm talking about -- having that curiosity about life, marveling at it and accepting the gift that it is in all it's glory.

I'd like to invite you to look at life this month through the eyes of your inner child. Allow yourself to experience the joys of this season through the lens of that childlike wonder and acceptance of all the good and joy that is there for you. I believe we have much to learn from listening to that child that still dwells within us and he or she needs to come out and play from time to time.

What is your inner child wanting or needing right now? What small act would feel good? Building a snowman? Baking cookies? Creating something by drawing or writing just for fun? No "shoulds" here, only what feels good. Try it, and let me know what comes up for you.

A new Day to be Grateful

Well Thanksgiving is officially past for 2008, although you may still be enjoying leftovers. I want to continue to focus on gratitude, especially as we go forward into the holiday season. With Black Friday and the holiday frenzy beginning, I want to stay with the feelings of being happy for what I have.

Many people in my family have adopted the less is more attitude and the more economic ways of dealing with Christmas. We will be exhanging something hand made -- food, a poem, something of ourselves not store bought. I asked my sweetie if we could forego presents to each other this year and instead treat ourselves to time together -- a special night out, or other date-like gift is more what I am wanting. I keep thinking of that song - "All I want for Christmas is you".

I am truly blessed -- blessed by the family I have - sisters who I love and feel so connected to; two kids who I think the world of; a son-in-law who is a mother's dream of sweet, kind and loving to my daughter; my first grandchild growing in my daughter's womb; my sweetie who cares for me so much, as well as his family; all my friends and the clients who I admire so much.

I am truly grateful for all I have and feel the need for nothing more with the exception of perhaps more time in every day to enjoy it all!

With gratitude and blessings to you ~

Gratitude When it's a struggle

Ever have one of those days when it feels hard to feel grateful? When you feel like you really need to feel grateful for what you have because you are stuck in that place of not feeling happy? I was in one of those places this morning, feeling like things were not the way I wanted them to be, not feeling happy about it and questioning the stability of my relationship.

I struggle with finding enough time for my sweetie. It feels like our lives get busy, we have hectic schedules and we have little that we do together that we both enjoy that makes us feel connected. Consequently, I really relish the times we can spend together with a common goal and objective. Something we were supposed to do together today turned out to be a solo event for me and I wasn't happy about it. There was a bump in the road where I was feeling in need of that connection time and he wasn't providing it, which made me feel disappointed, angry and sad. I went to that place of "this isn't working, this is bad".

Good thing I did almost immediately know that what I needed to do was go to my place of gratitude. I started thinking about how I was happy to be going to this function, with or without him, and that I knew I was going to have a good time. I got myself into the place of looking forward to the people I would be with and how it would be and knew it would be fun. I was grateful for what we do have together and yes, I could within a fairly short period of time let go of the sadness and disappointment I had been feeling about our relationship.

This is not always that easy to do and sometimes I rest in my place of unrest, unhappy and discontented for awhile before remembering that I really want to be happy and live happy. I thought this was the universe's way of giving me a great reminder, to appreciate what is working and is good in my life.

Glass half full.

Midlife and miserable?

I hate to say that, but many of us, myself included, reach "midlife", wherever that is, and wonder if this is really the life we wanted to choose. The conveyor belt of life is moving on and here we sit, settling for the life we are "supposed" to have. We can feel stuck and miserable. What to do?

It's hard to know what to do if you don't really know what you want. And it's hard to know what you want if you don't know who you are. You see we have to peel through many layers to find what is really true for us. To use a seasonal analogy, it's hard to see the path ahead when it is covered by seasons of leaves. Getting down to the basics is first.

There are many ways of discovering more about yourself so that you might begin to know who you are and what you want. During this time please don't beat yourself up about what you "should" do. This is a time to re-discover yourself and that takes time and patience. First and foremost is acknowledging the feelings as you go.

Because November is the month I have declared for my business to be Gratitude month, I'm going to suggest this practice as step one of discovering more fully who you are and what you want. If you have not had a practice of gratitude, begin by setting aside a time each day when you can focus on your gratitudes. This can be either first thing in the morning or the last thing at night. I like to do mine at the end of the day. I keep my gratitude journal next to the bed so I can recount all the things I am glad for at the end of the day.

It's good to aim for at least 5 as a goal, while you can certainly keep going if you feel inclined. What I notice about mine, is I can go back through all the months of the year and see the patterns of things I was grateful for as well as track my growth through the year. It is a wonderful self-growth tool not to mention the positive benefits to your outlook on life.

There is always something to feel grateful for (think of Pollyanna and the Glad Game) and it's powerful to focus on that which is good especially when so much of what we hear these days is aimed at what is wrong and bad.

My gratitudes for today:

1. Money in my bank account.

2. Meaningful work that I love

3. Time today for creativity and art -- working on my 'values collages'

4. Lunch with my sister and daughter. I asked them to each share their "Good News of the Day" - more gratitude in action!

5. Some lovely vegetables in my refrigerator which means I'm going to go cook a yummy dinner. I'm thinking some roasted beets and carrots. ;)

What are you grateful for today?

Coach Cindie
www.answersfromwithin.com

Checking in on the Gratitude

Ok well it's been 9 days of gratitude since I began this little month of upping the attitude of gratitude? Anyone out there been playing with this idea along with me? Have you noticed anything different about life?

I am remembering to do it twice a day and before I eat even if it's just to say thanks for all hands that made this food possible to get to my mouth. I've also created some gratitude cards, little mini collages of things that convey my gratitude. It does feel lighter and more fun to me to live with that attitude.

If you'd like some help boosting your gratitude quotient - here's a couple ideas:

1. pick one of your senses each day to discover gratitude. For instance if I choose smell, then as I'm taking my morning walk I am grateful for the crisp fall smell, the smell of my cats when I snuggle them, the smell of my morning coffee, the smell of a candle. You get the picture.

2. set your watch to go off at some appointed time every day - 3 times per day, hourly, whatever, and let that be your reminder to focus on something you feel grateful for in that moment.

3. make sure you surround yourself with grateful people; they will rub off on you.

I hope you are discovering some new things as you travel the gratitude trail. Please share how it's going for you.