Turning 55, Who's Body is This?

So here's a shock. I'm standing in the closet the other day, trying to figure out what I'm wearing (a frequent past time for me). I'm wearing nothing but my underwear and as I glance down at myself and notice my legs, what occurs to me is "who's body is this?" When did my legs get to be this mottled, dimpled looking sort of texture? Heavens I have old lady legs! And of course this is only the beginning. My body has many more tricks up it's sleeve, speaking of which, I can now make a loud flapping noise using my left arm as a musical instrument, this mysterious flap of extra skin jiggling most attractively. Lovely.

I've already allowed my hair to go gray and I really don't mind that, in fact I rather like it. What I do mind is the abundance of hair I'm starting to see on my face, not to mention the fact that I can't see my face without the magnifying mirror. Ah yes, my body is aging right before my eyes (if I can look closely). It's amazing and rather life changing. I look at myself somewhat differently. I'm an older woman now. My gosh I felt like I was still in my 40s if not younger!

I'm still very healthy and robust, I walk, lift weights and do yoga several times a week. I eat very well, so my body feels good (with the exception of my arthritic hands which we are not focusing on). All in all, my body is great, with this "aging" process happening.

Here in my second half of life, I wish to embrace this body, to deepen the relationship I have with myself through learning to read my body, noticing how my emotions impact my physical health and to just be conscious and mindful of what my body is telling me. I will also be careful to not judge or criticize when I notice changes but feel grateful of what these changes symbolize.

My legs look old - I am grateful that these legs have carried me so very far, through the completion of 3 marathons, through numerous miles of hiking and walking and pacing with babies. They have done squats and yoga and climbed walls and pumped a swing. Thank you legs.

My arms are getting flabby - I am grateful for these arms that have lifted babies, carried my dying Irish setter to the car, lifted groceries, pulled weeds, stirred soup, folded clothes, typed papers, washed cars, hugged countless loving men, women and children. They have waved hello and good bye and danced in the arms of a man. Thank you arms.

My face is changing, sprouting hairs - I am grateful for this face that I have grown to love because it is uniquely mine. The face that had freckles and a turned up nose, the face that got sunburned at the mention of sunshine, the face that has faced a sunrise with glee and a sunset with awe, a face that has kissed boo boos, been cried upon with joy and with sadness. I am grateful for this face.

My eyes have trouble seeing - I am grateful for these green eyes of mine. Whether I can see well to read or not, whether I can see well to drive or not, I can indeed see the glorious colors of Life around me, I see the faces and eyes of not only people I meet, but people I love, I see the magic of my grandbaby's arrival and the dying breath of my kitty. I have seen foreign lands and fantastical sites here in the US. My eyes have seen and read many emotions in the eyes of others. I am grateful for these eyes.

This is my body, slightly different look, same wonderful functions.

Next up, "what was I going to do next?"

Turning 55, What I've Learned So Far

Wow, I guess that was a big bite to take. I think it would fill way more than one blog to talk about what I've learned on this journey called life. But here is my capsule version:

1. Don't take yourself too seriously. Seriously, life is short. We aren't perfect beings, we are learning as we go. Do the best you can and forgive what wasn't what you might have liked.

2. Do what it takes to be happy and the rest will fall into place. The older I get, the more I discover that doing what makes me happy, and avoiding that which doesn't, makes everything work so much better.

3. Pay attention to what is inside your hoola hoop, and leave every thing outside it to others.

4. Love yourself - I mean truly, madly, deeply. Love the bulges, the bumps, the imperfections, the bad hair days, the mistakes, the moods. It is all part of who we are.

5. The past is the past. Heal what you need to, forgive who you need to, apologize to who you need to, and move on. The power is in the present. Ram Das was right - Be Here Now.

Those are my key points. New post - who's body is this??

Turning 55

I'm turning 55 this summer. I'm not embarrassed to admit that. Age has not meant much to me since I turned the big 5-0. However, I am slowly recognizing the landmark 55 represents. I'm a coach devoted to coaching mid-life women and this blog is devoted to tips and tools and musings by a 'mid-life' woman. Will I still be at midlife when I'm 55? Or will I officially become a Senior?

Between now and my August birthday, I'm going to be posting blogs relevant to my thoughts, processes, worries and joys around age and turning 55 in paraticular. If you relate in any way, please feel free to post your comments.

First off, my thoughts on the age itself and what it means. As I said, my last significant birthday was turning 50. I enjoyed that. It felt like a huge landmark. I was more secure in myself and more comfortable in my own skin than I had been my entire life. I celebrated with a party at my house. I felt fully alive, grateful and loved. Since then, it's just numbers. Until now...

What does 55 mean? It means I have already outlived my father by almost 20 years. It means I do qualify for a senior discount in many places. The number sounds like someone approaching or well into retirement. The number sounds like someone who is a grandmother (yes). It means I am even more whole and happy and content with myself than 5 years ago.

What do these numbers mean to you? Have you hit a significant age or are you about to?

Next blog, what I've learned thus far on this journey.

"Everyone is a house with four rooms: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person."-- Rumer Godden

A favorite author of mine, Rumer Godden puts so eloquently something I believe in wholeheartedly, and not only work on with my clients, but practice myself. We've all heard the importance of life balance. Workshops and articles, books and Oprah shows abound on how to keep in balance. We all have seen the impact of a life unbalanced. We get cranky, resentful, tired and start making mistakes, dropping things and feel forgetful.

I have a large pie chart drawn on an oversized post-it note attached to my office door. I've divided the pie slices into what matters for me: mind, body, spirit, work, family, relationship, friends - basically the equivalent rooms of which Rumer speaks. I use this chart when I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed and unable to stay focused or get anything accomplished. I can come up with specific tasks I wish to accomplish in the separate areas and post them on tiny post-it notes in the appropriate section of the pie. This way I'm clear what I need to do and what needs to be done as well as clear on my progress and how out of balance I might be.

What are the signs you are tipping the scales out of balance? What have you found that works to keep you feeling in balance? Have you aired out all the rooms today?

The Cycles and Circles of Life's Transitions

I've been thinking a lot about circles and how they show up in my life. Our lives are never ending circles of beginnings and endings, then new beginnings, then an ending. We must let go of something to let something else happen. People are born, people die, we lose a friend, we gain a new friend, we give up a job to find our heart's content of a career, we let go of what is not working to find what does. Circles, cycles and transitions, change. It's all a part of life and yet we struggle with it and resist it because it doesn't always feel good.

I have just been blessed with one of the most remarkable events since the births of my own daughter and son -- the birth of my grandson. I feel so many of the same feelings I felt when they were born - wonder, delight, awe, emotions so near the surface I would cry just looking at their marvelous faces and hands. He evokes these same emotions plus more. Not only do I feel this amazing miracle of birth, I also experience new emotions watching my daughter, my precious little girl, delight in being a mommy --this is really the more heart-warming component -- the tenderness I feel watching her bond with him. It truly feels like the greatest expression of the circle of life, so pure and true.

I have two older cats - 11 and 14 years old. They have been with me since my daughter brought them home as kittens. Both big boy cats, they have been my loves through all these years. Loving and loyal, when I lived alone, they both slept on my bed with me. My 11 year old boy - Willy is a funny contradiction. On the one hand, he is a fighter. Watch out any intruder kitties, as Willy will faithfully defend his turf and family, gaining him a nicked ear and other assorted ailments through the years. On the other hand, he is the most loving and giving kitty, faithfully waiting for me to come get coffee every morning, purring and rubbing against my legs, his eyes all enlarged with the face that says "I love you soooooo much". Our morning ritual is that he purrs and rubs against me while I sit on the stairs and scratch his chin. He is true blue and I know how much he loves me.

Willy has been starting to show signs of his age and his brazen lifestyle. He exhibits a bit of a hitch in his get-along, has trouble jumping up onto things and his hips seem to give him trouble, especially in the morning. A lover of finding small dark quiet places to cram himself into, especially when he is not feeling well, I found him in a kitchen cabinet this morning. As he poured himself out the door, it appeared walking was very difficult. He made it to the water dish, only to hover there as if suffering from a hangover and wondering if he was about to give up last night's binge into the toilet. His eyes were cloudy and he looked to be in pain. No purring. No rubbing against me. I sat on the floor next to him and started to cry, knowing that Willy's time with me was most likely going to be short. I bought him some canned food - a real treat at my house, and plan to spoil him and keep him as comfy as possible for whatever time I have left with him.

It will be incredibly sad to lose this friend who has been so steadfast and true, who has brought me mice, consoled my tears, loved me no matter what. To say I will miss him sounds like such a small piece of it. I will miss him, but my heart feels so full with all he has given to me that I appreciate so much, that it is hard for me to fully express. At the end of his life, I can say many things about Willy, but foremost will be "well done good and faithful servant. May I be as good to others, as you have been to me."

I embrace the change. I have no choice and resisting will lead to more suffering. I embrace the good in the new life in my life and honor the good in the life passing on. Circles and transitions.

Finding Self Through Nature's Messages

Recently I gave a talk at a women's social group - My Girlfriend's Garden. My talk was about creative writing and journaling through connecting with nature. Part of the focus of my talk was on our ability to connect with ourselves and find answers to life's questions by paying attention to the messages nature has to offer.

Often when we feel stuck or mired in a problem, we stew about it and obsess over the details. For instance, how many nights have you had difficulty falling asleep because of persistent thoughts? It's easy to stay stuck when we are lying there, fighting the thoughts or sitting at our desks during the day with our minds constantly returning to the thoughts.

By contrast, the act of getting outside and walking - taking the time to disconnect from life distractions, while in forward motion, noticing what is around us, can be transformative, if we just allow ourselves to pay attention.

I have received many messages from nature. While I'm walking, I'll pose a question, then look for clues to the answer. Generally there will be a bird that suddenly shows up, or I'll notice the movement of the trees or the direction a flock of geese is flying. In that moment of noticing, I also have an answer.

Last June, my daughter was about 6 months pregnant, when doctors discovered that her baby boy - Jordan - did not have functioning kidneys. His amniotic fluid was disappearing and he was dying in the womb. My grandson to be did not make it. When I returned home following two very emotional days in San Francisco with my daughter and son-in-law I walked into my office and looked out the window. There outside my 2nd story window, was a swirling white group of what looked like little bugs, fairies, something almost mystical and magical. They were swirling and flying in a circle and as I watched them I just knew it was my grandson saying he was all right. I said thank you Jordan and watched them fly away.

This morning, for the 2nd day in a row, I've had a very large dragon fly on the inside of my office window, moving around. Yesterday I took him outside. This morning, there he was again - the same one or one of his friends. I wondered what was this about? What was the message? Here is something a friend discovered for me:

"The meaning of a dragonfly changes with each culture. The main symbolisms of the dragonfly are renewal, positive force and the power of life in general. Dragonflies can also be a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity. Also, as a creature of the wind, the dragonfly frequently represents change. And as a dragonfly lives a short life, it knows it must live its life to the fullest with the short time it has – which is a lesson for all of us."
From the Dragon Fly site (www.dragonfly-site.com)

Wow. I love that. Yes, I resonate with having a sense of self that comes with maturity and I'm definitely in a place to remember to live my life to the fullest right now. My daughter is pregnant again - her due date was yesterday, and yesterday I found myself being Worrying Mom - a role I usually choose not to play but every once in awhile I do. I was stressing about why he wasn't here yet despite all the signs that he was ready - lots of contractions for past 2 weeks, he's dropped, doctor swore he'd be early, etc. I was feeling 'something was wrong'. My daughter knew nothing was wrong, that her boy was just taking his time getting here.

Mother Earth talks to us constantly through all the wonders of nature. On this day to honor our Earth, take time to notice what messages are there for you, and plese feel free to share them here. Happy Earth Day!

Eagle vs Mouse

Have you ever had trouble making a decision? Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? Been unable to find clarity in a new situation? Many times I have found it can be a matter of perspective. We get stuck because we are seeing a situation from one perspective and insights come if we take a different perspective.

It helps me to remember the idea of eagle vision vs. mouse vision. An eagle sees the big picture as he glides over the countryside and miraculously can see the big picture in enough detail to focus in and see one tiny mouse way down there. The mouse, on the other hand has the very focused, up close and personal vision of what is right in front of him as he scurries through the bushes. Both these perspectives have their advantages and their place in any given situation.

In times of confusion, of unorganized running to accomplish things, if I stop and develop awareness of both perspectives, sometimes ideas will click and solutions fall into place.

As an example, being in business for myself, I sometimes feel I have so many things going at once with coaching clients, other business women I'm collaborating with, writing, speaking, emails to follow up with, that I frequently feel the tug of so many threads dangling, so many loose ends to keep track of. On a day like today when I have no planned meetings and a large block of time for productive activities, I can feel like I have mouse perspective, running ADD-like from one half-finished task to another half-finished task, responding to an email, starting a blog, then whoa bright shiny objects, there's another thread to follow.

While the details are important to the flow of my work, and essential for forward movement, I also need to take time at least once a day to gain the perspective of the eagle. From high above my office I can see the big picture, I can see my mission and my purpose - "to support women who feel stuck to find their authentic and happier selves". From that vantage point I can create my daily To Do list which will take into account the big picture and even prioritize.

I invite you when feeling challenged to:

1. look at it from the eagle perspective and experience your heart's response
2. look at it from the mouse perspective and experience your heart's response
3. switch back and forth as needed for a fresh and creative perspective.