Monday, March 23, 2009

One Step Forward Two Steps Back

As I look out my office window today, the weather, and my own current state of mind remind me of the hopeful then frustrated feelings we can have when experiencing the good, followed by "not what I wanted". We were blessed here in California with sunny spring-like weather last week. Ah it was so lovely as folks put their white feet in flip flops, played in the park, rode bikes and felt warm and free. Over the weekend the rain and cold weather returned, leaving my hands and feet perpetually frozen like blocks of ice, wishing they could melt in the warmth of the sun.

This morning there was frost on the housetops. Again, my feet are cold so I had my space heater on, directed to my popcycle toes. There is a wind blowing the trees outside my window so I know it's fairly chilly. Already I miss the spring of last week.

This feels like my life right now. I work so hard on my business, doing everything I can to market my message, get myself known, offer my services, make connections, feel like I'm doing the very best I can in coaching people, offering my strengths in a way that is meaningful to my clients. But then life can get in the way -- struggles with health insurance when one is self-employed, struggles with feeling that all my work is actually going to pay off, struggles of getting everything done, staying on task, remaining positive in the face of negativity. Back two steps I go. Where is my belief in my self? Where is my faith? So easy to be knocked off that horse, so much work to get back on.

Today in my vulnerable spot I am telling you that the trees know that spring will come. They trust that despite the fact that it is windy and cold today, they are blossoming, here in the now, confident and strong knowing that the cycles of the seasons will happen. Things change; sometimes for the better, sometimes not. It's the faith of the mustard seed folks and we all must have it or what else have we?

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