"Everyone is a house with four rooms: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person."-- Rumer Godden

A favorite author of mine, Rumer Godden puts so eloquently something I believe in wholeheartedly, and not only work on with my clients, but practice myself. We've all heard the importance of life balance. Workshops and articles, books and Oprah shows abound on how to keep in balance. We all have seen the impact of a life unbalanced. We get cranky, resentful, tired and start making mistakes, dropping things and feel forgetful.

I have a large pie chart drawn on an oversized post-it note attached to my office door. I've divided the pie slices into what matters for me: mind, body, spirit, work, family, relationship, friends - basically the equivalent rooms of which Rumer speaks. I use this chart when I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed and unable to stay focused or get anything accomplished. I can come up with specific tasks I wish to accomplish in the separate areas and post them on tiny post-it notes in the appropriate section of the pie. This way I'm clear what I need to do and what needs to be done as well as clear on my progress and how out of balance I might be.

What are the signs you are tipping the scales out of balance? What have you found that works to keep you feeling in balance? Have you aired out all the rooms today?

The Cycles and Circles of Life's Transitions

I've been thinking a lot about circles and how they show up in my life. Our lives are never ending circles of beginnings and endings, then new beginnings, then an ending. We must let go of something to let something else happen. People are born, people die, we lose a friend, we gain a new friend, we give up a job to find our heart's content of a career, we let go of what is not working to find what does. Circles, cycles and transitions, change. It's all a part of life and yet we struggle with it and resist it because it doesn't always feel good.

I have just been blessed with one of the most remarkable events since the births of my own daughter and son -- the birth of my grandson. I feel so many of the same feelings I felt when they were born - wonder, delight, awe, emotions so near the surface I would cry just looking at their marvelous faces and hands. He evokes these same emotions plus more. Not only do I feel this amazing miracle of birth, I also experience new emotions watching my daughter, my precious little girl, delight in being a mommy --this is really the more heart-warming component -- the tenderness I feel watching her bond with him. It truly feels like the greatest expression of the circle of life, so pure and true.

I have two older cats - 11 and 14 years old. They have been with me since my daughter brought them home as kittens. Both big boy cats, they have been my loves through all these years. Loving and loyal, when I lived alone, they both slept on my bed with me. My 11 year old boy - Willy is a funny contradiction. On the one hand, he is a fighter. Watch out any intruder kitties, as Willy will faithfully defend his turf and family, gaining him a nicked ear and other assorted ailments through the years. On the other hand, he is the most loving and giving kitty, faithfully waiting for me to come get coffee every morning, purring and rubbing against my legs, his eyes all enlarged with the face that says "I love you soooooo much". Our morning ritual is that he purrs and rubs against me while I sit on the stairs and scratch his chin. He is true blue and I know how much he loves me.

Willy has been starting to show signs of his age and his brazen lifestyle. He exhibits a bit of a hitch in his get-along, has trouble jumping up onto things and his hips seem to give him trouble, especially in the morning. A lover of finding small dark quiet places to cram himself into, especially when he is not feeling well, I found him in a kitchen cabinet this morning. As he poured himself out the door, it appeared walking was very difficult. He made it to the water dish, only to hover there as if suffering from a hangover and wondering if he was about to give up last night's binge into the toilet. His eyes were cloudy and he looked to be in pain. No purring. No rubbing against me. I sat on the floor next to him and started to cry, knowing that Willy's time with me was most likely going to be short. I bought him some canned food - a real treat at my house, and plan to spoil him and keep him as comfy as possible for whatever time I have left with him.

It will be incredibly sad to lose this friend who has been so steadfast and true, who has brought me mice, consoled my tears, loved me no matter what. To say I will miss him sounds like such a small piece of it. I will miss him, but my heart feels so full with all he has given to me that I appreciate so much, that it is hard for me to fully express. At the end of his life, I can say many things about Willy, but foremost will be "well done good and faithful servant. May I be as good to others, as you have been to me."

I embrace the change. I have no choice and resisting will lead to more suffering. I embrace the good in the new life in my life and honor the good in the life passing on. Circles and transitions.

Finding Self Through Nature's Messages

Recently I gave a talk at a women's social group - My Girlfriend's Garden. My talk was about creative writing and journaling through connecting with nature. Part of the focus of my talk was on our ability to connect with ourselves and find answers to life's questions by paying attention to the messages nature has to offer.

Often when we feel stuck or mired in a problem, we stew about it and obsess over the details. For instance, how many nights have you had difficulty falling asleep because of persistent thoughts? It's easy to stay stuck when we are lying there, fighting the thoughts or sitting at our desks during the day with our minds constantly returning to the thoughts.

By contrast, the act of getting outside and walking - taking the time to disconnect from life distractions, while in forward motion, noticing what is around us, can be transformative, if we just allow ourselves to pay attention.

I have received many messages from nature. While I'm walking, I'll pose a question, then look for clues to the answer. Generally there will be a bird that suddenly shows up, or I'll notice the movement of the trees or the direction a flock of geese is flying. In that moment of noticing, I also have an answer.

Last June, my daughter was about 6 months pregnant, when doctors discovered that her baby boy - Jordan - did not have functioning kidneys. His amniotic fluid was disappearing and he was dying in the womb. My grandson to be did not make it. When I returned home following two very emotional days in San Francisco with my daughter and son-in-law I walked into my office and looked out the window. There outside my 2nd story window, was a swirling white group of what looked like little bugs, fairies, something almost mystical and magical. They were swirling and flying in a circle and as I watched them I just knew it was my grandson saying he was all right. I said thank you Jordan and watched them fly away.

This morning, for the 2nd day in a row, I've had a very large dragon fly on the inside of my office window, moving around. Yesterday I took him outside. This morning, there he was again - the same one or one of his friends. I wondered what was this about? What was the message? Here is something a friend discovered for me:

"The meaning of a dragonfly changes with each culture. The main symbolisms of the dragonfly are renewal, positive force and the power of life in general. Dragonflies can also be a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity. Also, as a creature of the wind, the dragonfly frequently represents change. And as a dragonfly lives a short life, it knows it must live its life to the fullest with the short time it has – which is a lesson for all of us."
From the Dragon Fly site (www.dragonfly-site.com)

Wow. I love that. Yes, I resonate with having a sense of self that comes with maturity and I'm definitely in a place to remember to live my life to the fullest right now. My daughter is pregnant again - her due date was yesterday, and yesterday I found myself being Worrying Mom - a role I usually choose not to play but every once in awhile I do. I was stressing about why he wasn't here yet despite all the signs that he was ready - lots of contractions for past 2 weeks, he's dropped, doctor swore he'd be early, etc. I was feeling 'something was wrong'. My daughter knew nothing was wrong, that her boy was just taking his time getting here.

Mother Earth talks to us constantly through all the wonders of nature. On this day to honor our Earth, take time to notice what messages are there for you, and plese feel free to share them here. Happy Earth Day!

Eagle vs Mouse

Have you ever had trouble making a decision? Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? Been unable to find clarity in a new situation? Many times I have found it can be a matter of perspective. We get stuck because we are seeing a situation from one perspective and insights come if we take a different perspective.

It helps me to remember the idea of eagle vision vs. mouse vision. An eagle sees the big picture as he glides over the countryside and miraculously can see the big picture in enough detail to focus in and see one tiny mouse way down there. The mouse, on the other hand has the very focused, up close and personal vision of what is right in front of him as he scurries through the bushes. Both these perspectives have their advantages and their place in any given situation.

In times of confusion, of unorganized running to accomplish things, if I stop and develop awareness of both perspectives, sometimes ideas will click and solutions fall into place.

As an example, being in business for myself, I sometimes feel I have so many things going at once with coaching clients, other business women I'm collaborating with, writing, speaking, emails to follow up with, that I frequently feel the tug of so many threads dangling, so many loose ends to keep track of. On a day like today when I have no planned meetings and a large block of time for productive activities, I can feel like I have mouse perspective, running ADD-like from one half-finished task to another half-finished task, responding to an email, starting a blog, then whoa bright shiny objects, there's another thread to follow.

While the details are important to the flow of my work, and essential for forward movement, I also need to take time at least once a day to gain the perspective of the eagle. From high above my office I can see the big picture, I can see my mission and my purpose - "to support women who feel stuck to find their authentic and happier selves". From that vantage point I can create my daily To Do list which will take into account the big picture and even prioritize.

I invite you when feeling challenged to:

1. look at it from the eagle perspective and experience your heart's response
2. look at it from the mouse perspective and experience your heart's response
3. switch back and forth as needed for a fresh and creative perspective.

Inspiration for Changing Times

I was thinking about what it means, what it feels like to be inspired. I know when I focus on inspiration I feel uplifted. Many of us at midlife are finding ourselves heading down a different path than we ever imagined when we were younger. Suddenly so many 'older' folks are taking different jobs, different careers in order to make ends meet. Yesterday I listened to something on NPR about survival jobs, jobs folks are taking that may be minimum wage but they are helping them survive.

What can we do to get ourselves through these times when it feels so many are getting laid off, needing to get creative and desperately in need of inspiration? I say keep focusing on what makes you happy. What gets your juices going? What lights you up? Identify that and move towards finding a way to incorporate it into your daily life through a part time job, hobby or just an excursion.

If we can stay aligned as much as possible with our true nature, we feel better and consequently we ooze that good feeling out to the world which makes other people respond in kind, feeling like "I want some of what she's got".

So what makes you smile? I was having a down day the other day, pathetically allowing myself to get down, which then kept me in that downward spiral. I decided I needed a break from office and computer and went to a local outdoor shopping center. The energy there uplifts me. There is a big square with a huge fountain, and kids and families are always drawn to the fountain, watching it, yelling with glee as it spouts up. Even if the stores are closed, you see people sitting together talking. It's just nice. So I walked around and the sunshine and happy people started working their magic. I went in one of my favorite 'looking around' stores - Anthropologie. They have such fun clothes with the kind of detail that I love - appliques, flowers, lace, fun buttons. I noticed how the clothes were making me smile. Ah, good feeling. I tried on some things and one blouse looked really good on me! More smiles. Now had I been in a place of looking for a job, this would be a store that would make me feel good when I came to work.

I'm not suggesting retail therapy is the way to go. I'm saying look for what makes you smile. Look for signs of things showing up in your universe that say Yes - go this way, do this thing and keep going in the direction of your dreams. It is when we allow ourselves to follow our dreams that we are being true to who we are and will ultimately feel happier.

So what small thing can you do today that makes you smile? If you are struggling financially what part time job could you take on that is of interest to you? Something that lights you up? Maybe it's not in your chosen career path but completely different. Inspiration and outside the box thinking are all that is required.

One Step Forward Two Steps Back

As I look out my office window today, the weather, and my own current state of mind remind me of the hopeful then frustrated feelings we can have when experiencing the good, followed by "not what I wanted". We were blessed here in California with sunny spring-like weather last week. Ah it was so lovely as folks put their white feet in flip flops, played in the park, rode bikes and felt warm and free. Over the weekend the rain and cold weather returned, leaving my hands and feet perpetually frozen like blocks of ice, wishing they could melt in the warmth of the sun.

This morning there was frost on the housetops. Again, my feet are cold so I had my space heater on, directed to my popcycle toes. There is a wind blowing the trees outside my window so I know it's fairly chilly. Already I miss the spring of last week.

This feels like my life right now. I work so hard on my business, doing everything I can to market my message, get myself known, offer my services, make connections, feel like I'm doing the very best I can in coaching people, offering my strengths in a way that is meaningful to my clients. But then life can get in the way -- struggles with health insurance when one is self-employed, struggles with feeling that all my work is actually going to pay off, struggles of getting everything done, staying on task, remaining positive in the face of negativity. Back two steps I go. Where is my belief in my self? Where is my faith? So easy to be knocked off that horse, so much work to get back on.

Today in my vulnerable spot I am telling you that the trees know that spring will come. They trust that despite the fact that it is windy and cold today, they are blossoming, here in the now, confident and strong knowing that the cycles of the seasons will happen. Things change; sometimes for the better, sometimes not. It's the faith of the mustard seed folks and we all must have it or what else have we?

Treating Yourself with Abundance

Happy Self-Care Friday to all of you. I like to create an inspirational word each day that keeps me on track with my intentions throughout the day. Today my word was abundance. I, like many of you I'm sure, can have a tendency to get caught up from time to time in the "woe is me" regarding the economy. How can you not? I see examples of the economy's influence everywhere I look and with people I know. It can be so easy to start looking at my own financial picture and wondering how long I can hold out in "this economy". Feelings of lack and doubt do not help to build up self-esteem or bank accounts. We all know that what we focus on increases so the more I focus on what I don't have, guess what, that's what I have.

I decided I wanted to feel abundance in my life today in all areas. So I repeated the phrase I have abundance in my life. I have abundance in my life during my morning walk. I felt wealthy in many ways and life felt big. I kept repeating it throughout my day. Much evidence showed up that I do have an abundant life: I received in my mail today not only a fabulous letter from my son (not an email but an actual 2 page letter, bless his heart) and an unexpected check! Abundance. I noticed a tree in our yard was bursting with pink blossoms so I cut a few sprigs and placed them in a vase on my windowsill. Abundance.

This one word has made me feel more on purpose in my work today -- abundance in a very powerful coaching session with a client; abundance in my planning and writing activities for upcoming events. No place or room for lack today. If I had focused on what I don't have, I know an empty sad feeling would have followed me all day. That is not practicing self-care not self-neglect.

I find in working with people in a coaching relationship, so often they are focusing on what is not working. If we can open up the door just a little bit to experience the lightness of what IS working, their motivation starts to show up, they feel good about themselves and they can start to move forward.

I wish you all a weekend filled with abundance. Let me know how that shows up in your life.